"Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever." (Psalm 73:25-26)
I found out today that I didn't get a grant that I had applied for about a month ago. I feel a mix of sadness, disappointment as well as frustration and a bit of anger. I feel like I wrote a really great grant application and put a lot of heart into the process.
I'm living in the midst of a great cloud of transition right now and there are so many opportunities popping up here and there. I know that some of those opportunities, as I seek them, doors will open. And for others, doors will close. Its hard though, coming out of a season where I have struggled so much with the lack of light, with illness, with job related things, and stress in my volunteer work--to have something that I had put much hope and heart into, to be turned down.
I know that my community, friends, and family will say that if I truly lead to do something, obstacles like not getting a particular grant, won't stop me. I think that it is in these moments of sadness where doubt comes in strongly; and I pray that God continues to crack me open to receive the messages and blessings I need to be faithful.